Freakin' out?

I woke up this morning and the first thing that comes to mind is ... when will I get up with the man I love beside me and a wee little face looking up on me? Am I freakin' out? i'm going to turn 27 this December and I ask myself - when am I gonna get married? Is the clock ticking or is it just me freaking?

I have a boyfriend of 3yrs. but we haven't really seriously discussed marriage. I think women are the ones wanting to get married as soon as possible, for the reason that we might be too old to actually bore a baby..duh! guys wake up we dont have all the time in the world. All you men might want to bum around for now while your ladies are freaking out. I for one would want to see my own flesh and blood..a baby.. oh a baby a kid that would grow up to be either a goody-two shoes or a monster like her mom. hehehe. not really a monster but a little devilish perhaps.. hehe. I dont want to be able to look back into my life and miss this.. no way, I have to be a mother but when? I dont know.

But... other part of me would say .. would it be a good time to actually have a child in this state of the world all thats happening,the crisis and recession? Or am I just too selfish to satisfy my own fancy?

Questions.. hmmm I think I'm ready though. hehe.

I love you!

WELCOME

Welcome bloggers.. I know you must be lost because nobody knows my blogs except me so if you want to just read for the sake of reading and knowing a person's thoughts??? just read on.. I want to thank you and welcome you for visiting. Most of my blogs would be about LIFE in general which I know is ssooooo broad you would not know where it begins and where it ends. I love reading books and the last book I've read is ; Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulos.I hate to admit it but I just read this book over a bookstore's shelf. That's not a good example but once I've read it I was hooked and I didn't even noticed it was already the last page.. (hehehe its like a hundred page but its illustrated so most of the pages are filled with pictures or drawings of Stripe and Yellow.)I want you to buy or at least google the book so that you will have your own version and understanding of it. But anyways, the book is about Stripe and Yellow the caterpillars who will give us some great lessons in life. Basically, it is all about finding oneself and to look for something more.We have different views in life. Some would see life as a process, a stage we go through, and etc. (hehehe) Even a person like me does not take life seriously (in a way)... i just go with the flow and wait where life would take me next. But of course, that's not true because every decision we make even the unimportant yeses or nos made a difference thus changing the direction of our lives. And if we make mistakes we still have ample time to correct it. and that's what Stripe did.. he was so caught up in the whirlwind of ambition and was doing everything for what he thought was the ultimate goal becuase everybody wanted it... that's why he wanted it as well.So, as people we have to make sound and good decision not based on envy or greed but based on what we think will make us happy in the long run. Never step on other people to get to the ultimate goal because there might be nothing there but an illusion of greatness.Hehehe.. twas really a good book but my poor communication skill is hinder(ing) me from giving you the best sneak peek on what the book is all about. SO buy one now or read over the shelf.. hehehe..So I could put this book in line with the Little Prince and Who Moved My Cheese..

Desiderata

Desiderata (by Max Ehrman)Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.Keep interested in your own career, however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals,and everywhere life is full of heroism.Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.These words from Max Ehrman has been the basis of how I lived my life so far. In the disederata noboby could go wrong or am I wrong in believing so?? I can say that I'm a person who Loves the Lord. There is nothing wrong with living our lives on the right path. Temptations and evil thoughts always has ways in creeping in us. But it all depends on us if we want to stay in the dark side - which i can say has all its perks but the feeling of "hapiness" is not enough. Its not gratifying, but sing a song of praise with all your heart and that's where we really find peace and gratification. Be good to everyone, I must admit as much as I want to be all the time - I can't but I'm trying.... These are the words I lived by and the Words of the Lord .. hope it'll guide you as well. And lastly, hope i will always be on the right side of the road because I know nothing compares to the 'high' you get when you are at peace with yourself.

Celebrating what?

Today is our monthsary if there is such a celebration. I have become mushy and sweet when I have fallen in love. I liked what we have before - we always look forward to the 11th of every month but this month is different. I was the one away and he has gone back home- tables have turned and our places have been interchanged.. And now I am forgotten.. 11th day of the month is just another day in the calendar, nothing special now. as much as i wanted to expect a warm greeting when I get up in the morning.. no I dont have to am just going to hurt my self if I believe of such thing. Life change, people change, time changes as well and I have to change with it.

I am but a sad girl.

am here.. where am supposed to be...

Am back not because I want to but because am bored again am not doing anything but bury my face on the monitor...

As was expected of me, my life has been decided by somebody else and I let them. Why? Because I'm a bore, I don't have a life, I have no strong or good reason to live for.. The thought came to me so often now but I ignored it for I have alot of things I (based on some people's standard) wanted to accomplish still. At 26, I have nothing I call my own.

Now I am in this strange country but am trying my very best to embrace this culture so different from mine. I have found work but I also lost it in 2 mons. time everything happened too fast. I wanted it to happen but I was not prepared to have it immediately.As the saying goes.. be careful what you wish for, you might just get it... and I did! The company I worked for just lost it and cutting down cost is the best way to go and letting people go is one way of doing so. I enjoyed the job, I kearned something but I just knew I was never going to have that job for a long time. The job was perfect but the people around me was totally like hell.. acting as if they know everything there is to know. But for right now am glad I have got out of that dark room. I will be a learned person but my spirit will never be as good as I want it to be if I were to stay there more.

Hmmm.. I am a bore and I like it (i think). Starting all over is totally difficult but there is no other way to move on but start all over again... and that is what am doing.. praying and hoping that the next will be way better that the last. I pray to God for my well-being, my sanity...for I dont want to lose it. heheh.