Second hand emotion

You must understand
That the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill
Of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract

It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that

(my favorite part)
What's love but a second hand emotion
What's love got to do
Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken

It may seem to you
That I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If i tend to look dazed
I've read it someplace
I've got cause to be

There's a name for it
There's a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason
You do it for me

I've been taking on a new direction
But i have to say
I've been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What's love got to do
What's love but a sweet old fashioned notion
What's love got to do
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

If you haven't figured it out yet, this is a song from Tina Turner -What's love got to do. I really didnt like this song before because it was old and used to hear it a lot from my papa's phonograph(as in a 20th century ponograph before rapper murder those turntables during the 90's we have a nice turntable playing my pop's music- we didnt have a stereo but that ) but when I heard it on the Radio just last week with my earphones on - I fell inlove with the song's lyrics... can't get it off my mind thats why its here.

Singapore

I would really want to go to Singapore.

It's the place to be for me I feel like once I will be there all will be well. I'd be working in a different country get to know different kinds of people - yet I'd be closer to home. I really make it a point to put extra effort on things I want to do. So since I want to go to Singapore hope something comes up and I'll be able to go there and see for myself.

Typhoon Ondoy

I have never imagined such calamity would struck our country. I was holding on to my seat as I was watching the news on what Ondoy has done to Manila. It was unbelievable - rich or poor no one was spared. I was teary-eyed watching clips on how people tried to hold on to dear life. So many people on the Luzon area were affected. This was unexpected.

I hope and pray that we will be able to recover from the destruction that Ondoy has brought our country. I myself have no means of helping - I am not rich to donate money, I am out of the country and could not find any organization who needs volunteers, all I could do is pray for safety and that the next typhoon - Peping will be less ruthless than Ondoy. But we need not worry for as they've said - there will always be rainbow after the rain. And we've already seen a tinge of that rainbow. Alot of Filipinos are giving whatever they can to help out. Knowing that they are far more blessed than the others. That material things has nothing to do with living a good life. Everything could be gone in split-second. We have learned alot of what just happened.

It may take time but we will be able to rebuild what was lost. We always go back to one of our Filipino values : Bayanihan. walang imposible basta't tulong-tulong.

A Break-Up letter

Hello Dan!

It's been quite a long time since I last spoke to you except for last night (hehe). This is actually an official break up letter if there is such - I'm making my own especially for you. I have gone through the days without you and I'm happy that I can because I know there will be nothing more to us than distance… I think I am not the one for you - I wished (so hard) that you were and I was and we were meant to be but I don’t think so. I did love you but more of it was I was in love with the idea of being in love. You have nobody I had none so we fill that void of loneliness in each other thus we feel much better – thinking we're in love. I have learned some things from you may it be good or bad. I thank you for that. This may sound so irrelevant already since I've mentioned before that we are done Dan!! but I want you to agree and tell me what you think. Say that you want to stop this and let's move on.. You actually are a perfect husband material but er not for me I think. Maybe someday I would regret my decision of letting you go but I will be taking a different direction now. I changed my mind in getting married and have kids before 30.. I want to realize a dream before am 30 - there are too many things to be done. I'm too independent, too stubborn I lack sweetness, care and all the prerequisites of becoming a good wife/mother. Heehehe. By the way, I hate having someone who's never here so maybe if I let you go I may find somebody who's within reach. Please understand. I have waited. You have waited and maybe this time lets call it quits. Done. Move on. See what else is in store for us.

Thank you for everything. This may be the most common break-up line: It's not you.. it's me.. yet it is so true, I cant waste my time waiting and you cant either. Lets move on. Ok? Please tell me what you think. Ive said this too many times but I really really meant it that this is Goodbye. I'm still going to be a friend to you and hope you to me.

Praying for your future,

Maya


note: he was not emotional in reading the letter which has been sent through email. we are 2 people who think more than feel more. of our 3 yrs - 2 yrs of it has been spent away from each other. hmmm LDR never really works. i guess. i havent shed a tear.. am such a heartless bitch. am more of taking logical decisions than basing things on what i feel... such a sad life. this runs in the blood nobody is spared...

Long Weekend

Hello world!!

I am trying to enjoy what UAE has to offer. This month most of us call it September but for our Muslim brothers its Ramadan. Today is the last day of Ramadan - Eid Mubarak!! which means blessed festivity or its like Christmas to Christians. We have 2 days off for this particular holiday this means time with family and friends. I spent mine with my cousin Kat and her husband and a few friends. We stayed up til' 6am... whoa lots of vodka, good conversation plus crazy people is equals to a very nice long weekend. I had a blast - simple things like this makes me so happy.

Will be back to work tomorrow! hmmm..

Whew..such a long day!



Started my day at 6:55am - have to drag myself outta bed to attend my Arabic class at 8am as was promised we had had the final exam. I am such a loser - I was not able to really did some studying and I guess I will be getting a low mark . huhu...



After class-I went to get the Ang Paboritong Libro Ni Hudas at my sister's place then I went to my cousin's place and spend some time with her and some friends. Total travel time was about 3 hours. whew.. After we went shopping and since I dont have any molah I was the-person who says it looks great on them or something... My feet was sore - we were going up and down from 1st floor to 3rd floor and back.. and yes after 4 hours in the Mall we bought lots of bags... bags bags bags... since one of my friends will be going home for a vacation this October she bought lotsa bags as pasalubong.



A long drive back to my cousin's place plus traffic.. hahaha.. have to take a quick nap and rest my eyes and my tired body.



And now my eyes seem to have a mind of its own..close closing.. hmmm gotta get some sleep now....

------over and out for now...

Decisions! Decisions! Decisions!

So where to now???

I have so many things to do before I 'd be too old to actually do anything.

I have always wanted to study law not because I would be enjoying long sleepness nights reading books but because of the prestige I might get after the hard work. I would become the first woman in the family to become one second to my Grandfather who was very successful of being a great lawyer. I am not born in a well-off family thus I'd be working my ass of paying through law school and that actually makes me all the more interested to become and do this. I love the challenge... or I like punishing myself heheehehe nah not that I love making something of my life. Gameplan is to work for a lawfirm, bank or at the school I'd be taking the course . Oh yeah! Hardships, challenges are things that makes victory even sweeter.

But I also want to travel ...

Currently being out of the country and single gives me all the time to travel and enjoy other places of the world though for this dream to come true I have to give up my other dream. Seeing the world requires time ... I wanted to buy a world map so that I can start my sojuorn.. I want to go to places and maybe work there for 6 months max and even if i wait for people to pay for such dream .. I might just do it. I want to move from place to place and enjoy what it has to offer. Places I would want to conquer:

First stop singapore - i dont know why I feel so attracted to this place it's the same feeling I have for Cebu (worked there for 2 years and loved it).. from there I could definitely go to other Southeast Asian countries... how lovely if dreams like this would actually come true.. And of course If travelling would be what Ill do Id go to New Zealand as well.. why? that i dont know as well.. hehehe

I could probably do both.. work my ass off and be a damn good lawyer and enjoy slipping to dream world sometimes by travelling...hmm.. what's wrong with this picture?

By the way I have taken the first steps of both - I have taken entrance exam at USJR for Law School and I passed was ready to go enroll myself but - I took the first step in travellin I got in a plane to Dubai and is now seeing a speck of the world.

Hmmmmm... now where to? clock is ticking!

Arabic 101

I just came from my Arabic class. Though it is not required in my work - I still enrolled in it because I wanted to learn another language. I am almost done with this class but since am on the basics on Arabic we were taught on reading and writing only.I cant even converse in arabic yet but I know some/few key words. We will have our last session next week and final exams as well.. whew good luck to me!! One of the pointers was writing a whole "verse from the Q'uran" in arabic.. ehhehe... hope I will not be too busy to open my notes and study..

Some Basic words (transliteration)

Assalaam Alaikum -Peace be up on you
To which the reply is:
Wa Alaikum assalaam -And peace be upon you
This phrase will be used in many different contexts when meeting people.
Marhabbah - hello
to which the reply is:
Marhabbteen - hello
This is probably the equivalent of saying hi in the UK
Sabah al khair - good morning
To which the reply is:
Sabah al noor
Masah al khair -good afternoon / evening
To which the reply is:
Masah al noor

Shukran (jazeelan) -thank you (very much) To which the reply is:
Aafwaan -you're welcome
An alternative to Shukran is Mushkoor

Ahlan wa sahlan -Welcome
To which the reply is:
Ahlan beek - welcome to you (to a male)
Ahlan beech (to a female)
Ahlan beekum (to a group)
This is usually used in introductions

Keef haluk? -How are you?
Sometimes shortened to Keefak
To which the reply is:
Al hamdu lillah (bi khair) - praise be to Allah (well)
This should be the usual reply.
You could use:
Ana bikhayr, shukran - I am fine, thank you
Weyn inta - Literally, where are you?, but probably equivalent to Long time no see
Occasionally you will hear:
Shu-ukhbaarak -what's your news? - which you would reply to in the normal way

Aysh ismuk -what is your name?
Ismi Jason -my name is Jason

Titakellem ingleezi -do you speak English?
Ana la atakellem al arabi -I don't speak Arabic
Terrref arabi? -do you know Arabic
Atakullum inglieezi -I speak English

Inta min weyn? -where are you from?
Wa inta? -and you?

Maasalaamah -Goodbye
To which the reply is:
Fi aman allah or Maasalaamah

Miscellaneous Words

Inshallah -If Allah wishes
This phrase is used in reference to a future, since all things are at Allah's will. So if you say, see you tomorrow, you might be replied with Inshallah. Indeed, it is used in numerous contexts. You'll send me the report tomorrow? -Inshallah.
Maashallah -What Allah wishes
This is used when complimenting something, usually in the context of family or health.
Mabrook - Congratulations
This is used in any congratulatory context, more so than you would use in English.

Naam - yes
Aywa - yeah/ok
La - no
Min fudluk - please
Shoo? - what?
Shoofi mafi? -what's up? or what's the matter?
Shoo hada? - what is this?
Mafi mushkil -no problem
Itfudul -by my guest / my pleasure


When you sneeze you say
Al hamdu lillah
To which someone will say
Yer humkullah
And you will say again
Yer hamna wa yer humkum

Tamaam - perfect
Baadin - later
Dilwaati - now
Ilyoum - today
Bukra - tomorrow
Ashoofook bukra - see you tomorrow
Aadhi - it's normal
Jebli shai - bring me some tea
Kallemni - call me/talk to me
Ma adhri - I dont know
Maa-i-khussni - its not my problem
Inta kida - thumbs up
Intaa tabaan thumbs down
Areed areef - i want to know
Mumken asaduq - can i help you
Sida - straight
Yasar - left
Yameen - right
Tabaan - of course
Andi - i have
Kam -how much
Affwaan -excuse me
Kull -everything

Numbers


0 -siffr
1 -wahid
2 -itnain
3 -thalatha
4 -arba
5 -khumsah
6 -settah
7 -sabaa
8 -thamaaneeya
9 -tissaa
10 -asharah

all credits for arabic words above to :

http://www.grapeshisha.com/common-Arabic-phrases.html

I found these words very helpful esp. in riding a taxi and giving directions. I hope you find it helpful as well. Inshallah!!

Ramadan Kareem

Though Ramadan is almost over.. I cannot let this occasion pass without writing something about it. Our brothers here pray 5 times a day:

Fajr (pre-dawn): This prayer starts off the day with the remembrance of God; it is performed before sunrise.

Dhuhr (noon): After the day's work has begun, one breaks shortly after noon to again remember God and seek His guidance.

'Asr (afternoon): In the late afternoon, people are usually busy wrapping up the day's work. It is an important time to take a few minutes to remember God and the greater meaning of our lives.

Maghrib (sunset): Just after the sun goes down, Muslims remember God again as the day begins to come to a close.

'Isha (evening): Before retiring for the night, Muslims again take time to remember God's presence, guidance, mercy, and forgiveness.

Whehw.. I wish I pray as much ... And now they are fasting as well thus most restaurants and fast food chains are closed during daytime. Some would prepare their own "baon" so as to refrain from getting hungry though some or so few restos do deliver. Since there are alot of expats here.

Before when I heard them say Ramadan and Muslims fast for almost a month - I asked myself how could they ever survive that?? .. Now I found out that after and up until the last prayer is when they will be fasting so after as they call Iftar - they eat up and some up until before Fajr. Not bad at all right?

Anyways..office hours are shorten as well so what else could I ask for?? Lurvetttt!!

suicide

good day!

I believe in God - eternal damnation and the like. I would only want to live this life and enjoy it. Nothing really is happening at the moment. I want to be a good person, a jolly girl, who would smile at little things but I am so far the most uptight 26yr- old woman I know. I am miserable in a way that I dont really have what I want but what do I want in the first place? That is the question even I cannot seem to answer. I have been a person who does things without complain but in my mind all the thoughts of hatred are there. I do feel I am the most pathetic and uncaring person I know. (that just mean to say I dont know too many people). I am not the type of person who would actually resort to suicide.

Whew anyways. .. suicide .. I know this person who physically scars her wrist to I dont know why. Everytime I saw that fresh scars I have this tingly feeling or probably a shiver that says if she can do this to herself she might be able to do it on other people. I might be right or I might be wrong thinking too much of the situation But really it creeps me out. The bad thing is that we live on the same apartment - wouldn't it be very convenient to slit one's throat the same way she slits her wrists??

Whew.. enough of that thought. It's getting creepy as I think more of it.

and then boredom strikes again!

yep boredome came to visit again and as i am bored i came to blog for solace. i dont feel so good these past 2 days - thank God i have no work on Fridays and Saturdays. i have this splitting headache and a runny nose not a good way to spend my days off... but i did have time to stay in bed til my back aches, i painted my nails black, watched alot of romantic comedies online (hehe streaming) and buy myself 1L of milk and is still planning to drink it all. not a usual mall hopping, beach bumming, head banging weekend for me but i think i'll get over it and be fine. i will be back to work tommorow and i am still sick... uh-oh, hope ill be able to get up in the morning and report for work.

anyways, tomorrow is june 21st and its father's day! happy father's day papa and to all the fathers in the whole world. everybody knows without you we wont even exist (duh). anyways, i gave my father a watch well my budget was limited so i got him just a swatch watch but its cool i picked it myself.

that's it for me today - my head still aches and nose still runnin' - til here.


Ciao!

Bob Ong : Twisted

I have been addicted (word might be too strong) reading some of Bob Ong's works. I came across an article saying that there was this Book entitled Ang paboritong Libro ni Hudas... which we call as the black book. I really was intrigued on the title. Since then I have been a fan. He has now 6 books coming this May 2009 is the latest of his crap i mean craft making that the 7th book. Well alot of people say it would be called Kapitan Sino or the yellow book. But whatever it would be I hope it'll be good or better...something worth reading.

I think Bob Ong pointed out alot of what is actually happening not only in the country but in ourselves. He can talk about love without becoming too mushy. Criticize politicians but point out some of their "advantages" or pros. He lets us see both side I think. And I think uses sarcasm so well it gets to people. When we sympathize we make a connection. In his books we can relate to it that's why we like it so much. I like it because it does not so much use words only well-educated people could understand. More like a book for the masa but could be read by the elite as well. (lol) . His views are so twisted but so true. Like Jessica Zafra (i remembered her when i mentioned Twisted) he too has a twisted mind but he writes in Filipino thus making it alot easier to take in. And using Filipino makes it so swabe.. if that would have been written in english it wouldn't be that good.

But wahtever I am saying.. I don't know... Just like Bob Ong's books in my own crooked way.

Adios Amigos. Til next time!

I'm back

I only get to visit this page whenever am bored. Bored meaning nothing much to do. For the last few weeks there has been drastic changes in my life I lose my job(not my fault) but then I found a better one. I almost decided to go back home where all would be well and I don't need to worry because I am in my comfort zone. But here, in this very different land I was frightened. Even though I have my sister, cousin and friends here they can only say so much but it's always me(myself) who gets to feel everything the pain the 'paranoia' that life may bring on the decisions I've made. I was on a very low point in my life (i think?) but the one person I thought I could count on was never to be seen(not literally though). I had enough of expecting so much of a person who SEEM not to care or probably has issues of his own. I wasn't contented of being frightened I added up and broke my own heart by deciding to let go of him. I don't see any reason for us to stay together(not literally cuz we're world's apart). We live thousand miles away, in 3 years we have a year of that together and I could say maybe I really never knew him. But anyway, life goes on. I may be wounded and broken but I'm still strong enough to pick myself up and move on.

There I've said it. Whew!

Freakin' out?

I woke up this morning and the first thing that comes to mind is ... when will I get up with the man I love beside me and a wee little face looking up on me? Am I freakin' out? i'm going to turn 27 this December and I ask myself - when am I gonna get married? Is the clock ticking or is it just me freaking?

I have a boyfriend of 3yrs. but we haven't really seriously discussed marriage. I think women are the ones wanting to get married as soon as possible, for the reason that we might be too old to actually bore a baby..duh! guys wake up we dont have all the time in the world. All you men might want to bum around for now while your ladies are freaking out. I for one would want to see my own flesh and blood..a baby.. oh a baby a kid that would grow up to be either a goody-two shoes or a monster like her mom. hehehe. not really a monster but a little devilish perhaps.. hehe. I dont want to be able to look back into my life and miss this.. no way, I have to be a mother but when? I dont know.

But... other part of me would say .. would it be a good time to actually have a child in this state of the world all thats happening,the crisis and recession? Or am I just too selfish to satisfy my own fancy?

Questions.. hmmm I think I'm ready though. hehe.

I love you!

WELCOME

Welcome bloggers.. I know you must be lost because nobody knows my blogs except me so if you want to just read for the sake of reading and knowing a person's thoughts??? just read on.. I want to thank you and welcome you for visiting. Most of my blogs would be about LIFE in general which I know is ssooooo broad you would not know where it begins and where it ends. I love reading books and the last book I've read is ; Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulos.I hate to admit it but I just read this book over a bookstore's shelf. That's not a good example but once I've read it I was hooked and I didn't even noticed it was already the last page.. (hehehe its like a hundred page but its illustrated so most of the pages are filled with pictures or drawings of Stripe and Yellow.)I want you to buy or at least google the book so that you will have your own version and understanding of it. But anyways, the book is about Stripe and Yellow the caterpillars who will give us some great lessons in life. Basically, it is all about finding oneself and to look for something more.We have different views in life. Some would see life as a process, a stage we go through, and etc. (hehehe) Even a person like me does not take life seriously (in a way)... i just go with the flow and wait where life would take me next. But of course, that's not true because every decision we make even the unimportant yeses or nos made a difference thus changing the direction of our lives. And if we make mistakes we still have ample time to correct it. and that's what Stripe did.. he was so caught up in the whirlwind of ambition and was doing everything for what he thought was the ultimate goal becuase everybody wanted it... that's why he wanted it as well.So, as people we have to make sound and good decision not based on envy or greed but based on what we think will make us happy in the long run. Never step on other people to get to the ultimate goal because there might be nothing there but an illusion of greatness.Hehehe.. twas really a good book but my poor communication skill is hinder(ing) me from giving you the best sneak peek on what the book is all about. SO buy one now or read over the shelf.. hehehe..So I could put this book in line with the Little Prince and Who Moved My Cheese..

Desiderata

Desiderata (by Max Ehrman)Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.Keep interested in your own career, however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals,and everywhere life is full of heroism.Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.These words from Max Ehrman has been the basis of how I lived my life so far. In the disederata noboby could go wrong or am I wrong in believing so?? I can say that I'm a person who Loves the Lord. There is nothing wrong with living our lives on the right path. Temptations and evil thoughts always has ways in creeping in us. But it all depends on us if we want to stay in the dark side - which i can say has all its perks but the feeling of "hapiness" is not enough. Its not gratifying, but sing a song of praise with all your heart and that's where we really find peace and gratification. Be good to everyone, I must admit as much as I want to be all the time - I can't but I'm trying.... These are the words I lived by and the Words of the Lord .. hope it'll guide you as well. And lastly, hope i will always be on the right side of the road because I know nothing compares to the 'high' you get when you are at peace with yourself.

Celebrating what?

Today is our monthsary if there is such a celebration. I have become mushy and sweet when I have fallen in love. I liked what we have before - we always look forward to the 11th of every month but this month is different. I was the one away and he has gone back home- tables have turned and our places have been interchanged.. And now I am forgotten.. 11th day of the month is just another day in the calendar, nothing special now. as much as i wanted to expect a warm greeting when I get up in the morning.. no I dont have to am just going to hurt my self if I believe of such thing. Life change, people change, time changes as well and I have to change with it.

I am but a sad girl.

am here.. where am supposed to be...

Am back not because I want to but because am bored again am not doing anything but bury my face on the monitor...

As was expected of me, my life has been decided by somebody else and I let them. Why? Because I'm a bore, I don't have a life, I have no strong or good reason to live for.. The thought came to me so often now but I ignored it for I have alot of things I (based on some people's standard) wanted to accomplish still. At 26, I have nothing I call my own.

Now I am in this strange country but am trying my very best to embrace this culture so different from mine. I have found work but I also lost it in 2 mons. time everything happened too fast. I wanted it to happen but I was not prepared to have it immediately.As the saying goes.. be careful what you wish for, you might just get it... and I did! The company I worked for just lost it and cutting down cost is the best way to go and letting people go is one way of doing so. I enjoyed the job, I kearned something but I just knew I was never going to have that job for a long time. The job was perfect but the people around me was totally like hell.. acting as if they know everything there is to know. But for right now am glad I have got out of that dark room. I will be a learned person but my spirit will never be as good as I want it to be if I were to stay there more.

Hmmm.. I am a bore and I like it (i think). Starting all over is totally difficult but there is no other way to move on but start all over again... and that is what am doing.. praying and hoping that the next will be way better that the last. I pray to God for my well-being, my sanity...for I dont want to lose it. heheh.